The Hairy 'n Scary Truth About Facial Hair

Men have had a curious attachment to the hair that grows on their faces since the dawn of human history. And it isn't at all surprising that full faces of hair were more commonplace than they are today back when the only available tools for shaving were flint and sea shells. However, in a modern society where the presence of most forms of body hair is considered not only unhygienic but downright rude, is there still room in our hearts for face fur?

"Scruffy" isn't the most popular beard adjective
among women. Many prefer a light shadow or
sculpted goatee.

As William Shakespeare puts it, "He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." Sprouting those first spindly hairs is viewed as a right of passage by many young men that sometimes transitions into a life of beard horticulture. Often, as self-proclaimed Beard Enthusiast Barry Neblett states, the love of facial hair cultivation takes root in childhood: "My dad always had a beard my whole life, and he's my definition of a man, so me being a man now or at least trying to be I want to emulate him in every way I can. Also, my beard is f***ing awesome."

Our own Mikey Armanno states, "When a girl can appreciate the beard, I know they are a keeper," and cites the numerous benefits. "Studies show that a beard will make you live longer. Also, it helps hide a weak jaw line. I like to keep a low to medium length beard. Keep it clean and sharp on the edges. Keep the professional look with a mature face." He recommends Jack Black's Beard Lube™ to soften your whiskers and eliminate pain and discomfort during makeout sessions.

But even with a heavily lubed beard, many women simply aren't fans of facial hair, or will only tolerate it within certain perimeters. Oddly enough, the unspoken rules women hold regarding facial hair closely parallels men's preferences about hair in the bikini area. Few partners would ask that the hair be removed entirely if a man or woman is emotionally as well as physically attached, but typically prefer that it is regularly trimmed and sculpted. Perhaps the rule of thumb should be "grow hair onto yourself as you would have it grown onto others."

If you're one of the many men who are genetically predisposed only to peach fuzz and are $5,000 worth of desperate to rock a trendy hipster 'stache, you should consider visiting Turkey.

Tell us what you think of facial hair in the comments below! We're interested in hearing from men who can defend beardlessness, and women who have borderline unhealthy fantasies about Santa Claus.